Supporting Independence During Back to School Chaos

During this time of year it feels like everyone is a little rushed – there’s so much going on and we’re in a hurry to get everywhere. That can make it really hard to be patient and let little ones do things themselves. Supporting their independence is so important, but that doesn’t mean that it’s easy!

It’s such a struggle, we know that they need these opportunities to work through challenges, and in most cases we know that they are truly capable BUT it just takes so long. Little ones still need the practice, they have to truly put in a ton of effort to do things that are second nature for adults. We’ve been tying our own shoes, washing out hands, zipping our coats, and putting on our own socks for so long that we can do all of these things while accomplishing 5 other tasks. That’s not the case for our youngest children, which makes everything go just a little more slowly.

I’m the first to admit that there are definitely times when I just give in and do things for my daughter (why does it take so long for her to put on her socks?????), but there are some things that I do in order to ensure that she has the time and opportunities to do these things herself.

First, I build extra time into our schedule. Being late stresses me out more than anything, so I plan our morning routines with an extra 15 to 20 minutes at the end. This does mean I’m the one getting up earlier, but we do usually end up using those extra minutes – finding missing shoes, swapping out a piece of clothing with a stain on it, working a hairbrush through tougher-than-usual tangles, or just eating breakfast really really slowly…Having a little extra time means that I can be patient when things like brushing teeth or getting dressed take my daughter longer than I think they should. Some mornings we don’t need the extra time and we can squeeze in a little quality time together before starting our day.

I also make sure to pay attention to the specific things that she’s struggling with so that I can figure out WHY. When getting dressed was taking half an hour, we quickly realized that it wasn’t the act of putting clothes on, but that she was getting so distracted. Changing the environment a bit worked wonders. Things like tying her own shoes seem more stressful when she knows that we’re in a hurry, so we make sure to do that a little earlier in the getting ready process.

Finally, I give myself a lot of mental reminders. When I’m waiting for her, the worst thing that I deal with is actually my own impatience. Repeating that it’s good for her, and that she needs the practice helps me keep a positive mindset. That being said, every morning is not perfect and I know my limits – eventually I will step in and that’s ok. We’ll try again the next day!